My Journey to A Ray of Hope

Hello! My name is Daniel and for the past 5 ½ months, I have been a guest of A Ray of Hope.  I thought that for those who might be interested, I would share some of my story on my journey from rock bottom to salvation and hope.

I was born in South Georgia to a very loving mother, rest her soul and unfortunately, an absentee, alcoholic and drug addict father.  My parents divorced when I was 6 or 7 and my mother was left to do her best to raise my brother and I alone. Thanks to a loving grandmother and my mother, doing the best she could, even though we never had a lot of material things. We were raised Southern Baptist and if the doors were open, you would find us in church.

My father was not in my life at all during my childhood, and that weighed heavily on my heart. I just could not understand why he did not want my brother and me in his life.  It affected my brother, who was 3 years older, greatly as well.  Around the start of my high school career, I started using drugs and alcohol. Unlike other kids who were just experimenting, I dove in headfirst.  By the end of high school, the harder drugs came into play as well.  I was using on a daily basis, but I hid it well.  Even with my addiction, I somehow did well in school.  I graduated and started attending college at the University of Georgia, Athens.  It was known as one of the best party schools, and I fit right in.  I did not spend much time in class. I was there to have fun.  It was around this time, my addiction really snowballed.  Somehow, I held it together and finished 2 years of college. But then the legal trouble began.  I received 3 DUI’s and my addiction got worse.  I was no longer trusted by my peers, and no one wanted me, the addict, around.  My mind began working in a different way, and that would only lead to more trouble. 

The one good thing I had going for me was that through a Job Fair, I was accepted to work at Yellowstone Park for 4 summers. This was the best time of my life. I worked the front desk of Old Faithful Inn and when not working, I spent my spare time hiking, camping, fly fishing, and enjoying all that Yellowstone had to offer.  On a daily basis, I met people from all over the world.  I always did well in the park. I did not use any hard drugs, but I still drank and smoked marijuana.  The only problem working there is it came to an end every summer.  The rest of the year, I was right back to my old stomping grounds and using more than ever.  I was always regretting my decisions but not having power over my addictions.  I put myself in some bad situations and did some really bad things.  To this day, I feel lucky to be alive.

 Right before my fourth summer in the park, I was arrested again in Athens on drug charges.  I made the decision to move to MT.  I researched and decided on Big Sky, which had a skiing and summer resort north of the park.  I was able to get a job bartending at a nice resort just south of Big Sky that provided housing as well.  Things were really good for a time, and I thought as long as I refrained from hard drugs, I was ok.  Within 2 years, I was promoted to food and beverage manager.  I met a nice girl, I thought, and we became a couple.  We rented a condo and eventually had my son, Jonah.  Things were going great, and I was loving my son and being a dad.  He was such a joy and a ray of light in my life.  When Jonah was around 2, his mother and I started growing apart, and she decided to take him back to Florida.  I was crushed, and I started using again.  My addiction grew.  I was no longer able to afford pills, so like most addicts, I turned to heroin.  It was cheaper and readily available.  My spiral continued and I lost my job, my condo, and most of my friends.  I decided I needed treatment and spent 30 days inpatient at MCDC in Butte.  I transitioned from there to sober living and for the next 1 ½ years, I was clean and sober. 

I decided I was going to move to Ennis, MT, for a fresh start.  Unfortunately, I made the decision to start bartending again.  My sobriety was over. I relapsed and tried meth for the first time.  Soon after, I was arrested for my 4^th DUI.  I was sentenced to 70 days in jail.  While incarcerated, I was evicted from my home and lost all my belongings.  Once released from the Bozeman jail, I was homeless.  I checked into the Warming Center there, which definitely is not a place to get sober.  I relapsed on alcohol, opiates and meth. 

One day, I purchased pills from a drug dealer at the shelter, and it turned out to be fentanyl.  I overdosed and was basically dead.  Thank God for Narcan.  I woke up from a doctor-induced coma 3 weeks later. 

I moved to Missoula and relapsed in 4 months.  I became suicidal and decided I was going to end it all.  Wandering around a strange neighborhood in a drug and alcohol induced state, the police were called on me.  I was admitted to the psych ward, where I stayed for 2 weeks.  I was beyond rock bottom and full of shame.  I knew I could not and did not deserve to get better. I completely surrendered to God, that I was powerless over this and to please help me.  A social worker, also in recovery, helped me get into treatment at Rimrock.  I immersed myself in the program and surprisingly, I excelled.  I knew that 30 days sobriety was not enough and I needed more help and guidance. I was not strong enough to face life on my own.  I applied to sober living. I was scared but ready to try.  I applied to 6 or 8 places around the state but A Ray of Hope kept entering my mind.  Something about it just felt right! 

3 days later I arrived in Kalispell. Rachelle picked me up from the bus stop and that day my life changed. I felt welcomed immediately.  I felt a sense of calmness and safety. I was informed of the guidelines of the house, not rules. I immersed myself in everything offered to me, including counseling, bible study, AA, NA, and bible study. I felt wanted, appreciated and worthy. It’s hard to put into words, but I feel like a new person.  Recently, I celebrated 120 days clean. I am employed and I also give back my time to A Ray of Hope.  I am making new friends and enjoying their fellowship.  I have confidence in myself again. I am trusted and can be counted on.

My greatest accomplishment yet occurred on October 21st. With the help of Director Dave McLean, I accepted Jesus Christ as my Savior and was born again!  I cannot describe the feeling of joy and happiness that I now have and I am so looking forward to my relationship with God.  I really don’t know how to put into words how grateful I am to Rachelle, A Ray of Hope and all that the rest of the staff have done for me. They saved my life and I Iove them all.

I know I still have a long way to go in my recovery, my redemption, and living as an example of what one can accomplish if given a chance.  I look forward to walking with God. It will be an awesome, daily experience.

Thanks and God bless you all!