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New Outlook on Life by Kim

I grew up in a family with 7 kids.  I have a twin brother and we were the second to last born.  We lived in Alaska and my father worked at the Grand Coulee Dam.  He drank and almost died from an ulcer. This caused him to quit drinking.

In middle school, we moved around a lot.  I got drunk for the first time when I was 12.  I drank Mad Dog 20/20 and it made me so sick, I didn’t drink again until I was 15.  We moved to Libby, MT. I started drinking my sophomore year and I would drink 6-12 beers a night.  I graduated high school and continued drinking into my adult life.  I met my husband through my brother.  My brother, his wife, my husband and I would drink on the weekends.  I started taking cross tops as it gave me. Energy. I was taking 6 a day for years.

I had a good marriage.  We did what “normal families” do and we bought a trailer when I was pregnant with Stormy. Our house burnt down 3 months later.  We were partying every night after I put the kids to bed.  My husband stopped partying and this became a source of contention.  This fighting went on for a couple of years and even though the house was clean, the kids were taken care of and dinner was on the table every night.

My husband and I started growing farther and farther apart.    One time, he called the cops and told them I was drinking and driving because I wasn’t home by midnight.  I was pulled over, arrested and had to do some classes. This pretty much separated us.  A couple months later he served me with divorce papers. Our kids went to visit his parents and they kept them the whole summer. This was hard on me as my kids were always with me up until then.  I cried daily for a very long time.  My husband would keep the children from me whenever he could as he knew this would cause me distress.  I was still using. I missed out on a lot with my kids.

My ex-husband sent my daughter to live with his brother, 5 hours away.  That was incredibly hard on me as he did it without even talking to me first.  I didn’t have a lawyer or money to fight him so he got whatever he wanted.  There was never a court order saying I couldn’t be around my kids.  This allowed him to make the rules.

I started drinking and using more.  My kids were my life and without them I was lost.  I was allowed to see my son every other weekend.  My brother Russell died, this hit our family hard and things were never the same.

I met a guy named Kent and we dated for a couple years.  He was a drug dealer and supplied me with what I needed.  I then found out I was pregnant and would be having my third child.  This was the best day of my life.  After my son was born, Kent was arrested for selling drugs.  A month later, my son died from SIDS.

I numbed myself with drugs and alcohol for the next 18 years.  In that time I lost two more brothers, my mom and my sister.  The law finally caught up with me and I was charged with possession of dangerous drugs.  I was sent to Passages and then completed pre-release.  I went back to Libby and I did well for 4-5 months.  I tested positive for drugs for my probation officer and spent 10 days in jail before coming to A Ray of Hope.  Since I have been here, I have gotten a job. I am also attending meetings and have finished my outpatient treatment.  The people here are all amazing, helpful, kind and patient.  My time here has given me a new outlook on life and I am so grateful.

 

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